I just seriously laid down on the couch and considered shoving my finger down my throat to throw up everything I just ate...so I figured I should probably blog about it. Instead.
What.
Is.
My.
Problem.
With.
Food.
?
I would seriously love to know.
Today started out fine. I had a normal breakfast, peanut butter cheerios, banana and greek yogurt. Lunch was weird. Went to my moms house and saw a big fat European chocolate bar on the counter and ate some.
Logged those calories and moved on.
Then about 2:30 me and mom went and ate hibachi chicken and white rice (kids plate) and a side of mixed veggies. I had some of the shrimp sauce of course.
And then I guess out of boredom I came back to her house and ate some like sweet and salty popcorn she had in the cabinet.
Does anyone else eat WAY more at their parents house? Don't even get me started about grandmas house. That thing is freaking boobie trapped with Little Debbies and canned Coco Cola.
Ok so I resolved myself that I wouldn't eat dinner tonight but if I did it would be something light, like broccoli or salad or popcorn. Well hubby comes home and I pretty much tossed that idea out the window.
I ate a handful of marshmallows.
Maybe 3 or 4 junior mints.
He got in the shower and I had a 100 calorie pack of cookies.
THEN we get in the car and drive over to the other town to do some shopping and get a bite to eat. We are married. We do not go clubbing or bar hopping. We look forward to food now. haha.
Ok so we get there and its pouring rain, Jacob has only ate breakfast and its after 7pm so he gets a "snack" at taco bell. I sample his snack and he orders me a churro that I asked for and then DIS asked for. Yall know yall do it too...I want that...oh no I don't. Don't get it. Im on a diet. Hubs gets it anyway to be safe. I make him take a bite but eat every bit besides that.
We do some shopping.
THEN we go to McDonalds. I got a hamburger, cheeseburger and small fry. Diet coke of course. That's how I roll. Honey, if I'm gonna injest 1000 calories it will be by eating them, not drinking them.
Then we, I mean, ME tells hubs we should get ice cream. I get vanilla ice cream and he orders us each a freaking apple pie. I eat mine with my ice cream. Im about 2/3 way into the cup of vanilla ice crack that I realize a feeling....
...Regret.
...and sickness from all that fast food I don't normally eat.
...But mainly Regret. For making HORRIBLE choices.
I ate right around 1200 to 1300 calories everyday this week and did freaking awesome and in a span of about 5 hours I undid all that hard work on cheap, disgusting food.
So I made hubs eat the little that was left and lectured him on how he has to help me and not agree to letting me eat this crap and how fat I am and how much I hate myself.
So I laid down on the couch because I just ate myself into a sugar coma and I am thinking how disgusting I feel. Utterly disgusting. Just this morning I lost 3 lbs!!!! I was so thrilled.
Now I will probably gain at least two back.
What the eff is wrong with me.
I know im not the only one but will someone PLEASE tell me how in the free world do you get past these days!!!!???? I figured writing about it would maybe I would GET IT IN MY FREAKING HEAD that even feeling DEPRIVED of food, feels sooo much better than this!!! I hate feeling this way!!! I much rather enjoy feeling "skinny" and flatter and healthier, with a bit of a deprivation feeling thrown in there every once in a while.
I really have no where to go at this point. Tommorow I just have to start my butt over, freaking again and pick my fat butt off the floor and get back on the program. Back to 1200 calories and I need to do some sort of exercise.
I miss my kickboxing class and my zumba classes.
I miss my friends in Indian Trail.
I hate living so far out here.
I don't want to complain but its so hard to keep up my healthy lifestyle here.
But if you want anything bad enough you will make it happen and that is true.
I will leave you with an inspirational quote I read this week (since I am being far, far from it myself tonight).
It said..."Its not that some people have willpower and some don't, it's that some people are ready to change and others are not."
I think I see you slipping as soon as any sugar hits your lips... maybe even the yogurt? Reason being, I'm the SAME way. And I'm noticing it and realizing it... but I'm scared to say no sugar! You know that I eat tons more at my parents' house. It's awful. And I agree that the feeling is NASTY! I hope tomorrow is better for you!
ReplyDeleteI know girl!! Sugar is the devil!!! Ugh. You are so right. Today has been much better...I am happy to say!!
DeleteOk. Here's I have a few thoughts on this post:
ReplyDelete1) I love the title, it's super catchy!!!
2) We've all been there. Don't beat yourself up about it. I've had days exactly like this one where things are going so well for a few days/week and then in one evening or afternoon it goes "to hell in a hand basket"! Ha! Been there. Done that for sure!!! Yes, it sucks - but like you said. Tomorrow is a new day and you just to pick yourself up and start over.
3) You shouldn't be so negative about yourself. Calling yourself "fat" or referring to your "fat butt" will only bring you down. I'm plenty guilty of that myself, but I don't think it's good for us. You are a beautiful girl :) Plus - you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by God! While yes, we want to be in awesome shape and treat our bodies as a temple, we are human and struggle. We've got to lift each other up and reinforce the positive!!!
4) I'm in LOVE with that quote! I've never heard it before, but I LOVE it!!!! Thanks for sharing.
Over and out. :)
Awe Yvonne, you are SO sweet! Your comment made me feel a million times better. You are SO right, we are made in God's image, fearfully and wonderfully!! Thank you for the reminder!!! I'm so glad you liked the quote, it really stuck with me!! Today has been MUCH better and I feel way more in control...thanks so much for the support!! :)
DeleteLauryn, I'm with Yvonne, you had a bad day and it's okay. Please know that there are days like that on everyone's weight loss journey. It could be a holiday, somebody's birthday or a day that you're just craving some good ole comfort food. As soon as you have that first bite, it triggers other cravings. It usually hits you so fast and so hard, all you know is that you're feeling yourself spinning out of control. Now that it's happened, you can move on. You can do it! Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right Rachel! I am sooo about comfort food! LOL. It does trigger other things...and I think its soo mental for me. And I have to have a plan! I think the weekends go all to heck because I don't ever plan on the weekends! Thank you so much for all the sweet comments, I read every one of them and I really appreciate them and YOU! :)
DeleteOh honey...xoxo. I agree with everyone...stop beating yourself up. We all have these type of day(s) and I mean ALL OF US. We all get in ruts and it's very hard to get out of them sometimes. I have been in the same one for the past few weeks. Tomorrow is a new day and I have a plan. I went and got some 3lb weights and I am going to alternate running and hanging out with Jillian doing the 30 day shred. I know you were doing it at one point too so if you want to do it together I would love that. Does Groupon or Living Social have any deals for zumba or kickboxing classes near you? Chin up missy. One day does not define your success. You have made great progress :0)
ReplyDeleteSugar She is a tempting B! I didn't get quite as far as you did this past Thursday but I will say 3 little debbies were consumed. By me
ReplyDeleteI have been doing this every weekend for the last I don't know how many weeks. Ronnie will work out of town. I'll eat 1200 cals every day & then he'll come home & we'll go out & I will blow it. I don't usually feel bad about that, but when it turns into 2 days of it I feel like WHY do I do this??!! It drives me cray cray knowing that I seem to have mad will power during the week & then lose it on the weekend. Back when he was joining me in trying to do good I was doing so much better. Yes, we still had a night when we'd go out & we would enjoy that, but once we had that ONE meal it was over & I'd be right back on track. Now I don't get back on track til Sunday. IT. IS. GOING. TO. STOP. I am tired of feeling like I'm succeeding during the week & failing on the weekends. I think I will tell him that HAS to help me. You know it's like you said. We're married. We don't party, or go clubbing or whatever. This is what we like to do on the weekends & I end up feeling bad when he's been out of town & working sooo hard & I don't wanna say oh no we can't go there or eat that because they don't have anything I want that's within my cals or whatever. I just have to tell him that after our one good going out meal I will cook something we both enjoy a lot at home & we just won't go out at all but that one night. That's how we did it before & we both were doing great then so it will help us both. I totally know how you feel though. As much as I love food, I HATE that feeling you get after a bad day of eating.
ReplyDelete