I just seriously laid down on the couch and considered shoving my finger down my throat to throw up everything I just ate...so I figured I should probably blog about it. Instead.
I would seriously love to know.
Today started out fine. I had a normal breakfast, peanut butter cheerios, banana and greek yogurt. Lunch was weird. Went to my moms house and saw a big fat European chocolate bar on the counter and ate some.
Logged those calories and moved on.
Then about 2:30 me and mom went and ate hibachi chicken and white rice (kids plate) and a side of mixed veggies. I had some of the shrimp sauce of course.
And then I guess out of boredom I came back to her house and ate some like sweet and salty popcorn she had in the cabinet.
Does anyone else eat WAY more at their parents house? Don't even get me started about grandmas house. That thing is freaking boobie trapped with Little Debbies and canned Coco Cola.
Ok so I resolved myself that I wouldn't eat dinner tonight but if I did it would be something light, like broccoli or salad or popcorn. Well hubby comes home and I pretty much tossed that idea out the window.
I ate a handful of marshmallows.
Maybe 3 or 4 junior mints.
He got in the shower and I had a 100 calorie pack of cookies.
THEN we get in the car and drive over to the other town to do some shopping and get a bite to eat. We are married. We do not go clubbing or bar hopping. We look forward to food now. haha.
Ok so we get there and its pouring rain, Jacob has only ate breakfast and its after 7pm so he gets a "snack" at taco bell. I sample his snack and he orders me a churro that I asked for and then DIS asked for. Yall know yall do it too...I want that...oh no I don't. Don't get it. Im on a diet. Hubs gets it anyway to be safe. I make him take a bite but eat every bit besides that.
We do some shopping.
THEN we go to McDonalds. I got a hamburger, cheeseburger and small fry. Diet coke of course. That's how I roll. Honey, if I'm gonna injest 1000 calories it will be by eating them, not drinking them.
Then we, I mean, ME tells hubs we should get ice cream. I get vanilla ice cream and he orders us each a freaking apple pie. I eat mine with my ice cream. Im about 2/3 way into the cup of vanilla ice crack that I realize a feeling....
...and sickness from all that fast food I don't normally eat.
...But mainly Regret. For making HORRIBLE choices.
I ate right around 1200 to 1300 calories everyday this week and did freaking awesome and in a span of about 5 hours I undid all that hard work on cheap, disgusting food.
So I made hubs eat the little that was left and lectured him on how he has to help me and not agree to letting me eat this crap and how fat I am and how much I hate myself.
So I laid down on the couch because I just ate myself into a sugar coma and I am thinking how disgusting I feel. Utterly disgusting. Just this morning I lost 3 lbs!!!! I was so thrilled.
Now I will probably gain at least two back.
What the eff is wrong with me.
I know im not the only one but will someone PLEASE tell me how in the free world do you get past these days!!!!???? I figured writing about it would maybe I would GET IT IN MY FREAKING HEAD that even feeling DEPRIVED of food, feels sooo much better than this!!! I hate feeling this way!!! I much rather enjoy feeling "skinny" and flatter and healthier, with a bit of a deprivation feeling thrown in there every once in a while.
I really have no where to go at this point. Tommorow I just have to start my butt over, freaking again and pick my fat butt off the floor and get back on the program. Back to 1200 calories and I need to do some sort of exercise.
I miss my kickboxing class and my zumba classes.
I miss my friends in Indian Trail.
I hate living so far out here.
I don't want to complain but its so hard to keep up my healthy lifestyle here.
But if you want anything bad enough you will make it happen and that is true.
I will leave you with an inspirational quote I read this week (since I am being far, far from it myself tonight).
It said..."Its not that some people have willpower and some don't, it's that some people are ready to change and others are not."